Here is a poem I wrote

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You're too busy to love me,
and too tired,
and too poor.
You can't handle me.
You don't have the times.
You don't have the means.
I want you to know me.
I want you to love me.
I want you to hold me in your arms
and tell me everything is going to be alright
and mean it.
I want you to mean what you say.
I don't want your unfulfilled promises.
You don't get me,
You can't possibly get me,
because if you did,
You would be doing everything you can
to keep me.

Never Give Up

You know what's crazy?
Never giving up.
After all that I have been through and all that I am going through, I will never give up. I am a fighter. It's crazy to let myself and allow myself to get so low, but it is comforting to know that I am not going to give up. I won't let myself fail; I can't. I simply will not allow failure. I am going to keep on moving forward and if its not one thing I'm doing it's going to be another. The most important thing, is to do something. Something is better than nothing. And always hold onto your morals, as hard as it is. I feel that who we surround ourselves with also, is very important. I choose these people very wisely. Your friends need to appreciate you, and cherish you. And if they don't do these things, as painful as it is, you need to get rid of them. You have no room in your life for these people. You are gold, we are all gold and we need to shine and define ourself so that we shine like the sun. I'm going to move forward. You know why? Because these boots were made for walking.

It's 12 O'clock

It's 12 o'clock and I have intensely procrastinated on my homework. It's easy to put school off to the side now that I am out of my initial undergrad period. Sadly, the procrastination still exists even when I am only taking one class! I just feel that life has so much to offer and it really is tempting to just put off school... Assignments are annoying and the agenda is not created by me, and worst of all, I don't get paid. Really this week, I feel completely unmotivated because my teacher, who I thought actually liked me, has been randomly giving me bad grades. It should motivate me to do better, but it is motivating me to do worse for some reason. Somehow that doesn't make sense. ~Anyway~ I'm getting drunk off of NyQuil and going to sleep.
I hope that everyone out there in cyber world is doing great and life is running smoothly.

What's amazing is that I have control over my own heart, as does everyone else. This is such a powerful realization. Just to think that people can do so much to me, but at the end of the day I have control over what I feel.

On the other side, I could, of course, argue my point. Sometimes we are sent things in life and if we submit (over which we have control also) we will feel a certain way.

Still, I am sticking to my original point of we have control over the way we feel, even if we don't create our own feelings. We can choose to feel good, or choose to feel bad. I am stuck in a toug h love situation (not to be confused with "tough love") It's a tough situation and I can't figure out whether it is unrequited love or not. I can say that my love is very immense. So immense, that I sometimes fear it is overbearing if I let go. My mind helps me, because my mind helps me play games so that I don't get totally broken. But ultimately, my heart rules me. I feel that a safe option right now, because of my work and the way that I feel day in and day out affects my performance, is get a grip on my heart and don't let it slip away from me. Hey.. I need that. Or Hey, I want that back. These are just a few things that I am thinking right now. I really do need my heart. I need my heart for my work, I need my heart for my life.

As for everyone else. I hope that all my friends are winning all their battles and fighting fiercely. I truly do have great friends and I should thank God for that everyday.